Thursday, April 23, 2009

Mental Illness and the Cuckoo's Nest

I went to see "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" last week at the Round House Theatre in Bethesda. This is the same theatre I saw "Eurydice" at, because of that, I had high hopes for "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." And I was not disappointed.

However, the timing on this play may not have been the greatest. Or it was excellent timing, depending on your viewpoint. Before seeing "Cukoo's Nest," I knew almost nothing about it. I'd never read Ken Kessey's novel or seen the movie, which is apparently very good.

So it wasn't until I literally was seated 10 minutes before curtain taht I realized "One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest" takes place in a mental institution. And as fate has it, I had spent the majority of my morning trying to get a program participant in touch with mental health services. I honestly think that mental health is the hardest part of my job. I clearly have no background or training in dealing with or diagnosing it. However I am an intuitive person, and I have leaned some of the social cues that tell a person may not be mentally stable. Also, sometimes its very very clear. Such as any day when I get to work at 8:45 and a participant is standing on the porch talking to themselves, mental illness is a pretty easy guess.

So I sat there in the audience, by myself waiting for my friend, and thought, well shoooot. I stared at the set. It was simultaneously very simple and very detailed and very clearly a ward in a mental institution. And I wondered if I was going to be able to handle this, on this of all days. It was just a little close to home.

But my friend arrived with seconds to spare and the lights went out and I was thrust into the world of the play, like any good little theatre major. And it occurs to me that being in the middle of a theatrical experience is the ideal. "All the world's a stage..." and all that. Anything else is sort of just holding place. So as soon as the play started, I was fine.

This production was funny, heartfelt, and ultimately heartbreaking. Because of my lack of knowledge of the plot, I was surprised several times by some twists and turns of the plot. The whole production took place in a single location, in the ward of the institution. This is mostly a blessing I think. It means that a set designer can really go all out because nothing has to move or change. I think unit sets open up a lot of opportunities. And this set didn't break my rule about having a fancy set and not utilizing it. The set was used perfectly.

I think that I came into this play not expecting such a touching story. The characters are all well fleshed out, and there was not a weak actor in the bunch. Not one of the actors playing the patients was just going for laughs, which could have been a temptation for a lesser production. Instead, they had developed deep thoughtful characters whose character quirks felt like a part of their real life experiences and illness. Often characters in the background were in danger of stealing the show, but in a good, balanced way. The characters in this story are not black and white; there is no clear villain. Horrible things happen, but does anyone really mean to do them? The realism throughout was bleak and startling.

During and after watching this play I got a little worked up about the way we used to treat mental illness in this country and the way we do now. From what I understand about this which is not extensive, is that in the 1960's the Community Mental Heath Act was passed which resulted in deinstitutionalization, which was a factor in the biggest numbers of homelessness that our nation had ever seen. This is something we are still feeling the repercussions of now. Now in Washigton DC, there are a number of places that serve those with mental illness, but getting those who need these services connected is an unbelievable problem.

This leads me back to where I was the morning before I saw this play. I convinced the program participant I was working with to call the Access Help line and get an intake appointment. The soonest he could get in was two weeks. Now I haven't seen him in almost a week, and I don't think he's going to make his appointment tomorrow. But I'm not giving up. I won the initial round. I got him to make the call, to trust me, and to try getting connected. Maybe he'll come back next week or next month and try again. Maybe he'll remember us and his positive experience and come again in 5 months. Who knows? And at this point I did what I can so for him.

I'm glad that this play was performed. I don't always believe that theatre has to be timely or topical in order to be important. Often I get annoyed by this view of theatre. However, I do think that "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest" had a lot to say that is applicable to what is happening in our country right now.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

O...S...U!

So my long winter of grad school applications, interviews and anxiety is finally over. Its officially spring, and I know that I'm going to Oregon State University next fall for their College Student Services Administration program. I've been offered an assistantship in "teaching biology TA's how to teach." And I'm pretty excited about it. Or course, I lived the first 8 years of my life in Corvallis and I really do consider myself a native Oregonian rather than a Washintonian. So I'm happy to be moving back to the northwest. The Willamette Valley is beautiful and I'm even excited about the rain.

This hasn't been an easy decision at all. I would have really loved to go to Seattle University next year. But I think in this case, everything ended up working out for the best. Most of all I've learned a lot in my grad school application process.
Here are some of the things I've learned:

1. I am a much better traveler now. Before I moved to DC I could count the number of times I'd been on an airplane practically on one hand. I don't sleep well on public transportation and I had a good degree of anxiety about flying. I think this is partially because almost every time I'd been on a plane it was by myself, and associated with a MAJOR life change of some kind. I've discovered the secret to becoming a better flier: the drowsy kind of dramomine and frequency of travel. I'm practically an old pro now.

2. Interviewing well is, like anything else, a skill that can be learned. I had interviewed only a few times before this spring. In fact during my interview to the CSSA program at Oregon State University, I was so nervous and preformed so poorly because of nerves that I was convinced I would not be accepted to the program. I've since decided that being comfortable with an interview is a combination of being prepared, and just being familiar with the structure of interviews. It shouldn't be too surprising that the assistantship I was offered was the very last of my interviews. I learned a lot about marketing myself in the process.

3. There really is a fundamental difference between the east and west coast. While this seems to be both a no brainier and not important, I've felt this a lot this year. While people are people everywhere, attitudes and standards and values are very different in the pacific northwest and in our nations capital.

4. My life view is an odd mix of living in the moment and loving the past. When I visited OSU I said, "This is it, this is where I'm going." When I visited Seattle U I said, "This is it, this is where I'm going." So I've come to think that I am very much present where I am and influenced by that. Yet this year I can't help but feel nostalgic for where I was one year ago(finishing my thesis) or two years ago (in LONDON).

5. There more I explored student affairs as a path, the more sure I am that I made the right decision.

I will end here and spare you from having to read a top 25 things I've learned. But know that I am feeling good about this and happy about my decision.

To end this post I have to say that when I moved away form Corvallis at the tender age of 8, I was very sad about it. I thought for a long time that I would move back to Corvallis and do my undergrad at OSU. Well, when college application time rolled around senior year of high school, that dream was forgotten and I didn't even apply. And now here I am.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Cherry blossoms and partying for spring

I'm actually being misleading by titling this post cherry blossoms. I have not been down to the tidal basin to see the cherry blossoms yet. I know this is a big deal. However, I have seen the blossoms in all there glory elsewhere in the city. And I did go to the cherry blossom parade on Saturday.

Recently, I've decided I need more friends. While I love my housemates dearly, they are not always around. And it would be nice to have some people I feel comfortable calling to hang out with.

So when I got invitations to watch the cherry blossom parade and to go to a party I jumped at the chances. And coincidently this led me to stand in front of my house on Saturday waiting for the bus at both 8 am and 8 pm.

In the morning I took the metro downtown. It was completely packed. It was almost as bad as riding the metro on inauguration weekend. I met my friend by the American History Museum. He and his housemates had gotten there only a few minutes earlier than I had, but they had staked out a space on the curb. So we got to sit for 2 and a half hours, instead of standing, which was great. It was a clear morning with a blue sky, and not too cold, but it was very windy. This both chilled us, and made some of the poor parade walkers banners very hard to hold up.

This was really my first parade experience outside of the parade in Walla Walla's fair. I will say it was very different than that. There were many marching bands. One of them was from a city in Washington state I'm pretty sure is fictional as I've never heard of it. My friend told me that it was not really my place to call another city imiganiary, as he is pretty sure Walla Walla doesn't exist.

Other cool things in the parade were some very old cars, and even Alex Trebek as the grand marshal. All that means is that he sat on top of an old convertible and waived! Some of my highlights were a unicycle preforming group (which is my new life ambition, rehearsals start on monday), a military marching band and drill team, and some girls in amazing Scarlet O'Hara dresses.

Like any parade, people lined up to watch on either side of the street. About 50 yards from us, there was a cross walk that people were allowed to cross the street through. However, people did not want to cross at the cross walk, but instead tried to cross in the middle of the road, which was pretty inconsiderate and a little rude. So the poor police men who were crowd control, would chase the illegal street crosses down. About half way through the parade, they started catching people and sending them back to the side of the street they started on. While the police men couldn't have enjoyed this, the crowd around us would cheer when someone was caught and sent back. It was a good secondary source of entertainment.

After the parade we went to Five Guys, which is a DC burger institution. I'd never been before, and loooove hamburgers. It was pretty good, I will be back.
I went home, too a lovely long nap and then went to my coworkers party. She is also in a volunteer corps, and lives in a beautiful house with a total of 7 women. I bet my housemate Noah is thanking his stars he only lives with 4 women. It was a nice party, but I couldn't stay long as I wanted to make sure I caught the last bus home from Dupont.

All together I had a very lovely spring Saturday, and did feel like I made some connections on the making new friends front.

Friday, April 3, 2009

A Rambling Update!

So I've been MIA for the month of March. I've been having a crazy time (both good and bad).

So here are some thoughts, facts and musings. First of all I've been applying to grad school for Student Affairs for the last few months. Since before Christmas, this has been one of my top priorities. However, I need to step back and say that one of my problems with this blog is finding the balance of putting your ambitions and dreams on the interwebs for anyone to read. This might actually be a delusion on my part, and maybe everyone who actually reads this does already know the excruciating details of my life and grad school search. I'm not sure. But I was keeping this process quiet until I was pretty sure about a positive outcome.

Anyway I've been accepted into two grad programs in the northwest and am trying to figure out the finical situation. I'll have some kind of decision in the next few weeks. I have in fact flown back and forth across the country twice during last month. The end of February I trekked to Corvallis Oregon to interview at Oregon State University. It was nice to see the city of my birth as an adult. The formerly white house I grew up in has now been painted lavender. Walking by it was surreal. But dAd, don't you worry, the picket fence you build MoM with the heart shaped cutouts is still in tact. And still white. So that's good at least.

Also I've learned that I find it easy to write when I'm excited, and difficult when I'm upset. So yeah, there have been some things going on that are less than stellar. I think I'll be able to write about some of them in the near future, including the effects of a very big staff change up at my work.

I few weeks after I visited Corvallis I flew to Seattle to hang out in Tacoma at UPS and interview at Seattle University. This was a rousing success and a great little vacation. This is the first time I've seen my college friends (or my alma mater) since July. So it was great to reconnect with people. Its good to see that the 4 years I spend making relationships were put to good use as I have many wonderful friends in the Seattle/Tacoma area.

For me, it was good to come back to the place that was home for so long. I found that it's good to really know that my life isn't going on there, just with out me. Things change, people grow and move on. But it was great to see all the people I love and miss and remind myself why I love them.

It was also nice to go back and see a little bit of my legacy. The months before I graduated and left the theatre department I thought a little about other grads and the stories/impact they've left behind. Part of the beauty of being in the theatre department is learning with and from those who've come before you. I would not have been able to tell you my freshman year that my legacy would be Dr. Wallace in "Beyond Therapy," yelling naughty words on stage and talking to a stuffed animal. Or that people are still saying I was the best part of my thesis (umm, if anyone else involved with Beyond Therapy reads this, I love you).

Now I'm back in good old Washington, DC. Its now officially spring, and suddenly warm. Its Cherry Blossom time. Westmoreland is celebrating 60 years on the Circle. Its also time for the volunteer to host next years prospective Westmoreland Volunteers.

I think I have most of the things that are bothering me mostly under control. Those of you I've been leaning on more than usual recently, thank you. Life comes in cycles, I think, and things are beginning to look up.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Not Orpheus but Eurydice

Last night, the housemates and I were sponsored by a volunteer corps board member to go see the play "Eurydice" at the Roundhouse Theater in Bethesda. I had determined that I wanted to go see this play some time ago. Its at a theatre called the roundhouse so I assumed (wrongly) that it would be theatre in the round. Its based on a Greek myth, and its by a contemporary female playwright. These are all things I'm very interested in. After a conversation at coffee hour, a very kind board member bought us 5 tickets to go see "Eurydice." Honestly, I was a little surprised that everyone wanted to go. Every time I've brought up theatre in DC, its been met with a lukewarm response. This is OK. I'm used to my "non-theatre" friends not always wanting to go see plays with me. In fact, if i really want to see something I will go by myself.

I decided last night that I've become a theatre snob. I had this feeling that I was the only one of the group who could really enjoy the play. This is totally untrue. Just because theatre is my chosen artistic medium, doesn't mean that people who haven't spent hundreds of hours studying theatre can't enjoy a play! Just because the housemates couldn't tell me what type of stage it was doesn't mean they can't understand what is happening on stage. For those of you who are curious, I guess you'd call this stage a non-proscenium modified thrust. Not in fact theatre in the round at all, but the audience was almost on 3/4ths. But you don't need to know any of that to enjoy it.

So to move on the storyline, the myth of Orpheus, what do we know about it? Orpheus is an epic story. Countless plays, and operas have been written about it, it echoes everywhere. It may not quite be common usage now, but I think it has been in the past. While I know the basic myth, it is not one of my favorites and I've never really studied it in depth. Before seeing the play I might have told you something like this:
Orpheus is a musician, a maker of beautiful music. On his wedding day his bride, Eurydice, dies. His love for her takes him to the underworld to beg for her back from Hades. He plays Hades beautiful music and for once, Hades shows mercy and strikes a bargain: Orpheus can have Eurydice back if he can lead her out of the underworld with out looking back, without seeing her. Orpheus almost makes it to the surface with Eurydice, but looks back to make sure she is there and loses her to death. They are not reunited until Orpheus dies, many years later.

This is what I knew going in. And look at my description. The story is all about Orpheus. And the different versions are almost always titled "Orpheus." This story is about him. However, this play is really about her. In the mythology, Eurydice is a non character. Not that most women in greek mythology get wonderful treatment, but I think it would be difficult to find one less developed as a character or more passive. We have some wonderful women, and some who are slighted. Even Helen is a strong presence "the face that launched a thousand ships", though she hardly gets to speak a word. Odysseus's patient Penelope waits at home for 20 years for her husbands return but is wily enough to trick her suitors. What does Eurydice do? She dies. Then she walks behind her husband. That's it.

To make a story centered around Eurydice is ambitious. And wonderful. I thought it was a great play and a fantastic production. The playwright did a good job navigating the original myths while making some additions. Eurydice is given a father who has been in the underworld for years, and is there to meet her when she dies. Eurydice is finally given a personality and the love between Eurydice and Orpheus seems very strong and reciprocal. They actually seem to have a connection that could conquer death. The Eurydice and Orpheus of this play could go on anyone's list of star crossed lovers.

The most interesting change is that in this play, Hades himself is obsessed with Eurydice; he actually causes her death and wants to make her queen of the underworld. This is not a part of the original myth. It gives some weight to the story. It presents an actual villain. Eurydice, instead of being bitten by a snake on her wedding day, is actually stolen by death. Orpheus is then trying to right a wrong of the universe, not just wildly mourning a woman who died too young, but one who shouldn't have died at all.

I will move on and discuss some of the particulars of this production. I realized last night that apparently I have a few rules for theatre. One of my rules is that if you have an elaborate set, you better use it. Another rule is: if you have a real body of water on stage, someone better get submerged in it! The production did both of these things.

I don't like huge, expensive set pieces that are used only once. I once saw a play that had the capability to revolve their entire set to reveal an alley way, and they moved the whole set for a two minute dream sequence. Then it was back to normal and never used again. I thought that was ridiculous. I'm not interested in how big or gorgeous your set is. I'm interested in how you it. This production's use of their set was very pleasing.They had a reasonably complicated set, but used it all to satisfaction. The back and forth movement between the underworld and the real world was done through a complicated scaffolding system, extensive lighting and some draped fabric.

The set itself was a thrust stage built to look like a shore. A stream ran down the middle of the stage, and the very front of the stage was water, with a sort of ledge to keep it from running into the audience. This water turned out to be shallow, maybe a foot deep. However three was some kind of trap door in the water that allowed a character to be completely emerged to great effect. I was honesty surprised by the technical capabilities of this show, and this theatre. They had several trap doors. They dropped things from the catwalk. At one point they showered balloons form "heaven" and managed to get every single one of them in the water. They even had a elevator into Hades, that either worked, or they were very clever in the sound and lighting to imitate a working elevator. I think it must be the latter, but it was very convincing.

I have been considering the concept of "knowing" a story for several days now. I went into this production knowing the myth. One of my housemates refused to be told the myth, preferring not to know anything before she saw the production. Is the the theatre major in me who wants to know the story? Why do we want to read a play before we see it? What does that do for you the audience member?

Interestingly, I am going to see a production of the Checkov play "Uncle Vanya" next week when I'm in Tacoma. I talked to a friend who is in the production and I asked if I should read the play before I come to see it. He told me no, that it was not necessary to my enjoyment for me to know the play. So where does this idea come from? In Shakespeare's day, his whole audience would have know the plot of most of his plays. Almost all of them come from other sources that would have been familiar to Shakespeare's audience. And today the popular Shakespeare plays are in our vernacular. It would be difficult to walk into Hamlet without knowing "to be or not to be" and how it ends. So how does this translate to "Eurydice?" Well I think it doesn't really matter. I got something from know the mythology, but did my housemate loose anything by not knowing? I don't think she did.

So to conclude this very very long ramble on theatre. I loved this play. I thought the way they incorporated the themes of music and water (and actual music and water) were well done. The production values were amazing and the ending was beautiful, surprising and heartbreaking (not to mention myth breaking).

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

What's Beyond These Hills?

I went on a retreat this weekend with my housemates and the volunteer corps board. The whole thing was a lot of fun. It marked my first time in Delaware and my first trip to the beach in a year(!) However it was a little too cold to hang out on the beach, which was a disappointment, as I'm borderline obsessed with the ocean.

While there are a lot of things I could say about the retreat, I have some thoughts about a reflection activity we did on Saturday night. Noah and Deanna very thoughtfully created it and led it. They asked the members of the board to bring a story, a song that affected them, or an "artifact" about a time in their life when they were at a crossroads. A time when they had to make decisions about their future. When they had been where we are now.

And for our part we brought something about how we feel right now. Rachel brought a passage from a book that inspired her to change the world. Personally I think Rachel has been saving the world since she was a toddler, but this book was important in her journey.

But interestingly the other 4 of us brought songs. Mine was Rufus Wainwright's "I Don't Know What it is." Deanna, Noah, and Jen brought songs by Wilco, Neil Young, and Ani Defranco. And while these 4 artists couldn't be more dissimilar musically and in their genres, the songs all have parallel messages. One song says "the world owes us nothing and we owe earth other the world." Perfect. All of the messages were truly very similar. While we are an intentional community, its still amazing to see how closely our attitudes about where we are in life sometimes line up.

Here are lyrics from two of the songs we shared:
"If you feel like singing a song
And you want other people to sing along,
Just sing what you feel,
Don't let anyone say it's wrong" -Wilco

"I don't know what it is
But you got to do it
I don't know where to go
But you got to be there
I don't know where to fall
But I know that its comfortable where
I don't know where it is"-Rufus Wainwright

I have to say that I am making some of this post from this point on intentionally vague. I think this night of sharing and reflection is a little bit "What happens in Vegas..." The reason it was so powerful is that people were willing to dig deep and share. The board really reached into their history and found moments where they made changes or metaphorically (or literally) came to the edge of a cliff. So with out violating anyone's privacy or naming names (sorry housemates) I want to talk about some thoughts I left this activity with.

One man talked about several choices he has made in his life. He never knew exactly where he wanted to go, and to a certain extent things lined up and fell onto his lap. However the thing that stuck with me is that while he is happy with his life, he said "you may not know what you want until you are 70 and the choices are made." Somehow, instead of that making life feel futile, it seems liberating. The right choice is not always clear. And maybe the path is only illuminated when you are literally standing at the end of it.

For others, good things came to them later in life. So if the first path doesn't turn out the way you imagined, try again. My personal favorite decision making process: one man decided to go swimming instead of getting in his car to drive to California to begin law school. And now he's very happily a doctor.

For one woman, her personal desire to be a teacher lined up with what society expected of her: be a teacher. Alternately, another was willing to put everything on the line protesting the Vietnam War. Hold strong to what you believe. Really truly.

To end this post and the night, a woman told a story. A little girl from the South has never been outside of her small town. She sits on the porch with her grandfather and asks him, "What's beyond these hills?" Every time he tells her, "Open doors."

So where do we go from here? Halfway done with our volunteer year, what is next? How do I make these choices?

What's beyond these hills? Open doors.

Monday, February 2, 2009

the ball



I thought I was going to avoid talking about the ball, just slip it past you clever readers. But no, I was called out about it (thanks Clay) so here I go.

First of all, I may have misrepresented/not explained myself on this. The ball I went to was definitely not an official inaugural ball. We tried to get tickets to the youth ball, where Obama made an appearance, but couldn't get tickets. Westmoreland Church had decided to have their own Ball. There was food, and wine and live music. And they paid for our tickets which made it both affordable and convenient. The proximity of the church to our house sweetened the deal even further.

After getting home from Inauguration itself I took a nap and literally had to drag myself out of sleep and into the shower to go to the ball. But once I was awake, it seemed like the best of all deals. They provided food, so we didn't have to cook dinner, which is always a plus. The ball was "black tie suggested." The five of us dressed more like we were going to a cocktail party, and were not out of place at all.

The room where we usually have coffee hour was decorated beautifully for the event. There were tables with assigned seating and they put is in pairs at different tables. I think I haven't mentioned that Rachel's parents were visiting and they went to the ball with us, which was lot of fun. A good number of the members of the volunteer board were present, and many other people that I knew from going to church. It ended up being a very enjoyable night. I couldn't manage to get food or a drink for the first 40 minutes I was there because people kept wanting to talk to me.

After people ate, the structure relaxed a bit and we table hopped and mingled with each other and the rest of the attendees. By about 10:30 I was ready to pass out, so most of my house headed home. It ended up being a perfect way to wrap up a crazy inauguration weekend.